Off to Delhi

wonder how much has changed....

BCCI ties up with Vivid Videos

by lunatic who feels he should not be taken seriously

March 27, 2007

After considerable analytical thinking, the BCCI president, Mr Sharad Pawar has come up with a plan to come up with a master plan to curb India's downfall in world cricket.
After being questioned on what the parent plan is, the BCCI president read out a prepared statement- " No ,I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."

However he did let it slip through that Indian team would be divided into 2 - India Blue and India Senior. Mr Pawar has ofcourse the distinction of having the highest score of 22 not out in 122 matches in the neigbourhood gulli ka cricket. Mr Pawar, an avid pani puri lover not only because of the resemblance in shape, also let it slip that there was to be a tie up with the top producers in the porn industry - Vivid Videos. "Hence the tags- BLUE & SENIOR " Mr Pawar explained with a sly smile. It was obvious that it was he who came up with the names."

The coach of the senior team will be none other than Dilip Vengsarkar while the blue team will be coached by Saurav Ganguly, " he explained.
Dilip Vengsarkar had ofcourse proved he is quite capable of the task when he showed no qualms in exposing his white haired nipples to the world when India managed a draw from the point of certain victory back in South Africa.
Saurav ganguly had proved his mettle earlier when he let out a mating call to Andrew Flintoff,in England, who reciprocated when he came to India and both had an intense passionate night at BrokemyBack mountain.

The players are reported to be excited with this tie up.

"Now everyone can know why i am called the Little Master," a senior player quoted.

Ex-Indian captain Dravid solemnly said-"I take full responsibility of the loss,crashing the hopes of a billion, but we must move on, we must look forward" before adding with a cunning smile- "There are holes in my wall too."

Indian wicketkeeper MS Dhoni commented that he was waiting for a green signal from his god, Fido Dido, to make a commitment.But he did say he was excited to work with the likes of Jenna Jameson and co.
"Unhorny ban gaya horny,horny ban gaya dhoni."

Kerala super fast bowler S Sreeshanth was last seen practising talking to his privates,in full expectations, asking it to cool down, by motion of his hands.

Virender Sehwag was not able to get out of bedroom for comments because he was grounded. Sehwag ki Maa also added that it was unlikely he renew his contract.

Owner of Vivid Vidos, Paul Hirsch made a public statement, that this partnership would definitely move them forward in the business, and then back, and then forward, and then back, obviously sharing a very very poor joke.
He said he was excited to work with team India- Blue & Senior, but he was more excited with the aquiring of Mandira Bedi. "Now that is 1 girl the whole world wants shut up, I think it will be quite a challenge," Mr Hirsch commented.


Good Luck Mr Hirsch. Even Charu Sharma's head was not enough.

The one with the crickets and stuffs

Cricket is our sole religion. It is something we look at and feel proud. It is something(rather the only thing) we can show to the world as ours.

Is that the reason, everytime the men in blue steps into the ground, we expect nothing less than a win? We feel gross injustice has been served to us in the durbars of cricket lords.

Is that the reason Jharkand Mukti Morcha(JMM) has been vandalising Dhoni's unbuilt house for he proved to be nothing but a hollow caliber in our gods arsenal?

"If cricket is our religion, then BCCI must be our god. With gods like this, who needs devils?"

India is a decent team with some potentials but it is definitely not a world cup favorite. It is not of the same class as Australia, SA or even Sri Lanka as it was obvious India were beaten in every dept- bowling, batting, fielding and the number of goodlooking lady fans. The zest to win was more for the team from Colombo, there was more spark.

Build from this disappointment. Make a fresh team with fresh attitudes. One day cricket is all about attitude, attitude of Clarke & Ponting accelerating from the 30th over, attitude of Smith and De Villiers not fazed by the bowling attack or the massive target.
Bury the past. Dont make cricket a religion. Its not about luck or faith. Its about effort, will and passion.

Amit Varma quotes- "Now, isn’t it ironic that all this should be happening for sport? To me, sport is all about celebrating human endeavour. Perhaps this is best reflected in the fact that the team that invokes God the most was the first strong team to crash out of the World Cup. Divine intervention ain’t no good if you don’t walk the hard yards yourself: that’s one good lesson sport teaches."

I thank India for,
1) allowing me to complete my set of unread novels.
2) allowing me to sleep early at night.
3) allowing me to see Mandira Bedi cry.
4) punishing the Indian media for now they have to follow Bangaladesh's matches
5) punishing the advertisers who have lost so much...

I thank Ireland for,
1) lessening the pain.

Here is a random thought for helping out Tata Sky. They should arrange Indias tour of Pakistan for the Woolmer/Chapell Series- parallel to the world cup. Never a better way to regenerate cricket in the subcontinent.

Pillow from a book shop

Withdrawing money from an ATM brings a certain kind of relief..especially if the previous 3 ATM's rejected your card. In a mood to celebrate the significant increase in the weight of my wallet, i decided to do some book window shopping. Window shopping because i already had around 5-6 unread novels back home which would feel real bad if i came back with new ones.So when i was scanning the books in the seconds shop,i was muttering to myself - "Dont buy, dont buy". After around 15 minutes of taking books, gauging their thickness and keeping them back untidily, i thought i would make my move. Enter book guy. Now this guy looked around 60-65, looked shabby, dressed even more so and had big grandfather specs.

Book guy - " Hello Sir, Are u looking for something specific? " (This guy could speak english that my professors of christmas past could only wish for.)

Me - " No, just looking through. "

Book guy - " Are u interested in novels or in motivational books? "

Me - " mumble jumble "

Book guy - " Hmm...have u read this xyz book by Sidney Sheldon? Its quite popular. "

Me - " No, i dont read Sheldon. " ( Omg do i look like i read sheldon?)

Book guy - " What about Wings of Fire..biography of Abdul Kalaam. It is an extremely interesting book. I finished it in 2 days. Really inspiring. "

Me - " Nah..i am not interested in biographies. "

Book guy - " People your age could learn a lot from these kind of books. Have u read this - 7 habits of HEP? It could change your life.

Me - " no. " ( Way to go jackass )

Book guy - " I recommend this book by Jack Welch. Its about how he turned his company around. Or are you intersted in something else?

Me - " Its not that i am not into motivational books. I just feel that it is a waste of time. "

Book guy - " But you could learn so much from these books,reading how they became successful, what they did in order to become great."

Me - " If Sachin drinks milk every morning, trains till evening, sleeps at night and if i do exactly the same things he does, would i get to play for India? "

Book guy - " No, but you would certainly be a better cricketer than you are now."

Me - " Hmm...So did Sachin read any books to become Sachin?

Book guy - " Yeah. He read Sunny days..you want? Just Rs 200. "

Thats how i bought a pillow from a book shop. Maybe after reading it, i will become a master at leaving balls outside the offstump.By the way, if anyone is interested, i am willing to re-sell. It makes a good bday present especially to people who torture you with bamboo bamboo jokes.

updates- upgradation still in progress. Will take more time.
Watched 300. I kept atleast 1 promise

Upgrades

Entremaneur undergoing changes. Might take some time before it looks readable.
Keep refreshing.

Moodswings

Funny how small things decide how your day goes.
Consider the scenario.

You wake up on the wrong side of the bed on the wrong time of the day. No, not 1 hour before the alarm shrills(that would be the right time), but rather 6 minutes. Now 6 minutes is not long enough(for some people) to doze off. So taking the less popular option, you are now left with a total of 16 minutes to

1)brush + business + bath
2)iron + dress up
Piece of cake.
Not.

Cause now you realise today, of all days, is your presentation day. But you dont worry because thats what engineering does to you. It teaches you to be calm in a storm. So u improvise and revise the list to

1)dress up
Piece of cake.
Not.

Here is where Murphy's law comes into play. Murphy's law states that within approximately 10-15 minutes of your departure from home, slow cells in your brain which were sacrificed last night(Buffallo theory) will start getting activated and from no where, you will realise that you have bloody well forgotten your id card. But you dont worry because thats what engineering does to you. It teaches you to be calm in a storm.So now while you are riding back to your house, your brain starts scanning for believable excuses that you can get away with for being late, provided the same excuses were not used they day before.

Enter office. You forgive people for staring and glaring at you. You go and sit in your cubicle. You are the king of this cubicle. You can go on looking at the screen and pretend you are the busiest person in the planet without anyone questioning you. So now the only hurdle left is the presentation itself.
Piece of cake.
Not.

You are sitting with your team in the conference room. Its a round table,so naturally it reminds you of King Arthur and his Knights and Excalibur and Natalie Portman topless. You can hear the team speaking, you can see them listening, you can see some people taking down notes. You know you have to do one of the 3 to survive in the corporate world team meeting. So what do you do? Thats right!! You frigging sleep off. Never a better time to make up for those lost 6 minutes.

Sparing the techicalities that followed, you are now on your way back home. Home sweet home,yes, where nothing can go wrong, where you can sleep and watch tv and be sparsely clothed all the time. Nothing can go wrong..unless ofcourse your friends have locked the door and gone out with the key. But you dont worry because thats what engineering does to you. It teaches you to be calm in a storm. You take out your Nokia phone and try to call them. But there is a limit to what engineering teaches you in 4 years. So when you get a heavilly accented female speaking on the other line informing you that your outgoing services have been barred,you lose it.

Expletives censored, you go somewhere where you know you will be calm, where you know your friends will turn up eventually and where you know nothing can go wrong. And it works each and every time. One sip and you are back to "normal".

Fosters- one hell of a mood swinger.

Your day has never felt better. Infact comparitively speaking, today might have been the best day of your life.

Times like these makes you think...why the hell dont i start my day off with fosters?